Rooftop gone green: Wright idea, Wrong execution

"We're saving so much money with our new solar panels that we can now burn our parking lot lights 24 hours a day!"

Image credit: Kimcorealty

Friday's Gone Green: Solar powered F1 car?

I wish.

But Formula 1 has never been associated with energy saving. In fact these machines are petrol drinkers, plus, they are the biggest producers of piercing noise, you can hear them kilometres away from the actual sports arena.

"Yeah, I'm in pole position!". Image credit: US Solar

A solar-powered golf buggy would be more like it.

But I'm pretty sure the legendary F1 driver, Michael Schumacher and the current champion Sebastian Vettel would be impressed with a solar-powered pinnacle car.

Solar jokes Saturday: rooftop panels

New heat-trap on your roof, Billy?


                         Image credit: US solar institute

Laughter is the best medicine - really?

Done laughing?

Maybe you should move onto more serious stuff - Learn Chinese in 5 minutes. It's a surefire way to learn Chinese language and it's true, you can quote me.

Again, start your Monday with laughter.

Payback time for teachers?

What would you do when one day you caught your once fierce teacher speeding?

I think I'll do this:

LOL, teachers, it's weekend. Smile please!

Source: shared from fb.

English is fun: The family of Four

The English language can 'kill'. Let me explain:-

                                 Have a fun Monday, and the rest of the week!



Source: unknown, this was dug up from my old mailbox.

TGIF: Cultural differences

What a boring world would it be if we all share the same culture.

Image: jrcanda.com

Japan
A man accidently tore a girl’s short miniskirt in Tokyo . Before the guy had a chance to apologize, the single lady took a 90 degree bow, then said: “I am sorry to give you trouble! The quality of the skirt is not all that good.” Then she took out a pin, put the skirt back together and left.

United States
At Times Square, New York , a man accidently tore a girl’s miniskirt. Before the guy had a chance to react, the single lady pull out a name card, gave it to him and said: “This is my lawyer’s business card. He will contact you about this sexual harassment. It is better that you prepare yourself, we will see you in court.”

France
A French man in Paris accidently tore a girls’ miniskirt. Before the man opened his mouth, the young single lady said with a smile: “If you do not mind, a red rose can represent your apology.” The French man bought her a rose, then they went to a bar, and lastly, they went to a small hotel discussing what was in the miniskirt.

England
In the Church Square by the Thames, an English man accidently tore the mini skirt of a young single lady. Before the English man opened up his mouth, the young lady covered her tore spot, then said with a blush on her face: “Do you mind taking me home sir? I live very close by…” The English man took his jacket off, put on her shoulders, call a cab, then took her home safely.

China
A man accidently cut open the miniskirt of a young lady in Chong Qing. Before the man said anything, the young lady slapped the guy: “You, the sex maniac. Dare to take advantage of me, I will send you to the labour camp…”

Taiwan
In Shimending, a man accidently tore a girl’s short miniskirt. Before the guy started to speak, the girl smiled and said: “We have not come up with a price yet, and you are going to inspect the merchandise?”

Hong Kong
In the Times Square of Hong Kong, a man accidently tore a girl’s miniskirt. She was only 18 years old. Before the man opened his mouth, the girl screamed: “XXX your XXX, you think I am the cheap close out item on the street? Watch out, I will find someone to peel your skin.”

Korea
On the street of Yinchong, a man accidently tore a girl’s miniskirt. Before the man speaks, the girl gave him a round kick, then said: “Don’t you know that I am a second degree black belt in Tai Kwan Dao.”

Thailand
In Bangkok, a man accidently tore the miniskirt of an 18 year’s old girl. Before the man start to apologise, the girl said with a Buddha hand gesture: “No worries honey, ……we all men.”

Malaysia
At a Nasi Lemak stall in Kuala Lumpur, a man accidently tore the miniskirt of a young girl. Before the man started to speak,.... (please complete the sentence LOL)

Wonderful English from around the world!

It's Monday morning, so, let's have something to make us all smile. If you've seen or read it somewhere before, just treat this as coffee break jokes alright. (Warning: authenticity of these captions is un-confirmed)

I can't imagine what the British will have to say about them.


Here we go:

In a Bangkok Temple:
IT IS FORBIDDEN TO ENTER A WOMAN, EVEN A FOREIGNER, IF DRESSED AS A MAN.


Cocktail lounge, Norway:
LADIES ARE REQUESTED NOT TO HAVE CHILDREN IN THE BAR.

Doctor's office, Rome:
SPECIALIST IN WOMEN AND OTHER DISEASES.


Dry cleaners, Bangkok:
DROP YOUR TROUSERS HERE FOR THE BEST RESULTS.


In a Nairobi restaurant:
CUSTOMERS WHO FIND OUR WAITRESSES RUDE, OUGHT TO SEE THE MANAGER.

On the main road to Mombasa, leaving Nairobi:
TAKE NOTICE: WHEN THIS SIGN IS UNDER WATER, THIS ROAD IS IMPASSABLE.


On a poster at Kencom:
ARE YOU AN ADULT THAT CANNOT READ? IF SO WE CAN HELP.

In a City restaurant:
OPEN SEVEN DAYS A WEEK AND WEEKENDS.


In a Cemetery:
PERSONS ARE PROHIBITED FROM PICKING FLOWERS, FROM ANY BUT THEIR OWN GRAVES.


Tokyo hotel's rules and regulations:
GUESTS ARE REQUESTED NOT TO SMOKE, OR DO OTHER DISGUSTING BEHAVIOURS IN BED.


On the menu of a Swiss Restaurant:
OUR WINES LEAVE YOU NOTHING TO HOPE FOR.

In a Tokyo Bar:
SPECIAL COCKTAILS FOR THE LADIES WITH NUTS.


Hotel, Yugoslavia:
THE FLATTENING OF UNDERWEAR WITH PLEASURE, IS THE JOB OF THE CHAMBERMAID.


Hotel, Japan:
YOU ARE INVITED TO TAKE ADVANTAGE OF THE CHAMBERMAID.


In the lobby of a Moscow Hotel, across from a Russian Orthodox Monastery:
YOU ARE WELCOME TO VISIT THE CEMETERY, WHERE FAMOUS RUSSIAN AND SOVIET COMPOSERS, ARTISTS AND WRITERS ARE BURIED DAILY, EXCEPT THURSDAY.


A sign posted in Germany's Black Forest:
IT IS STRICTLY FORBIDDEN ON OUR BLACK FOREST CAMPING SITE, THAT PEOPLE OF DIFFERENT SEX, FOR INSTANCE, MEN AND WOMEN, LIVE TOGETHER IN ONE TENT, UNLESS THEY ARE MARRIED WITH EACH OTHER FOR THIS PURPOSE.


Hotel, Zurich:
BECAUSE OF THE IMPROPRIETY OF ENTERTAINING GUESTS OF THE OPPOSITE SEX IN THE BEDROOM, IT IS SUGGESTED THAT THE LOBBY BE USED FOR THIS PURPOSE.


Advertisement for donkey rides, Thailand:
WOULD YOU LIKE TO RIDE ON YOUR OWN ASS?


Airline ticket office, Copenhagen:
WE TAKE YOUR BAGS AND SEND THEM IN ALL DIRECTIONS.


A Laundry in Rome:
LADIES, LEAVE YOUR CLOTHES HERE AND THEN SPEND THE AFTERNOON HAVING A GOOD TIME.


And finally the all time classic:

Seen in an Abu Dhabi Souk shop window:
IF THE FRONT IS CLOSED PLEASE ENTER THROUGH MY BACKSIDE.


PRICELESS!

TGIF - Hospital Bill

It's weekend, so, let's share what people stuffed in my mailbox. Hopefully a laugh a day will keep the doctor away!

Here we go, and you don't have to be Catholic to appreciate this one:-

A man suffered a serious heart attack while shopping in a store. The store clerks called 911 when they saw him collapse to the floor. The paramedics rushed the man to the nearest hospital where he had emergency open heart bypass surgery...

He awakened from the surgery to find himself in the care of nuns at the Catholic Hospital. A nun was seated next to his bed holding a clipboard loaded with several forms, and a pen. She asked him how he was going to pay for his treatment.

"Do you have health insurance?" she asked.
"No health insurance." he replied in a raspy voice,

The nun asked, "Do you have money in the bank?"
He replied, "No money in the bank."

"Do you have a relative who could help you with the payments?" 
asked the irritated nun.
He said, "I only have a spinster sister, and she is a nun."

The nun became agitated and announced loudly,
"Nuns are not spinsters! Nuns are married to God."

The patient replied, "Perfect. Send the bill to my brother-in-law."

JUST CAN'T HELP LOVING THIS ONE!!

Solar..it's for everybody!

You mean 'light'?

"Solar..it's for Everybody!" - The US Solar Institute.

Say each panel is a 185W module, the 12-module solar array would give the family total 2.22kWp of sun power. Enough to power up small appliances during the day and quick enough to charge storage battery for night use. Juice should be good to last the night watching their favourite satellite channel.

Wished that was the case. But no.

I got this from The US Solar Institute fb page. Obviously the photo was photoshopped, but I think US Solar Institute got the message through - solar is for everybody. I mean...the sunshine.

Happy weekend, enjoy the London Games. Watched Italy beat the United States by a single point (219 - 218) to take the Gold in archery, Men's Team event.

It's Early Christmas for Daily Express

Today's popular news: Party-mood Young Tigers mauled by Syria.

Wrong! I am a football crazy but this time it's the smaller prints that did it for me.

My copy of the Daily Express - 24 November 2011

Alright, I admit it. That headline Syria Spoil the party caught my attention. It is a summary of the sad truth about our junior football team Young Tigers, Harimau Muda. They won the SEA GAMES football tourney barely 2 days ago and I bet many of the players are still celebrating as Syria put two goals into their net.

..and it is so important that I circled the word "Sport" on the top left-hand corner.

Not quite. Look closely at the enlarged image below.

See it? Yes, it's the date. According to Daily Express it is Christmas eve already. This image is not doctored and you can check your copy if you still have it.

Okay, so, today is 24th December 2011. Pssstt!! It was actually my wife who spotted the small error and I suggested 2412 should be a lucky number for today. LOL

Moving on. Buoyed by our 'massive discovery' and believing that we would make it to the history book, we combed the papers for more golds and true enough we found one in the Bahasa Melayu section.

Here:

Segmen Sukan Harian Express



Khamis 23 November 2011? Hari Khamis bukan 24 haribulan kah?

This is nothing less than bad but I still prefer the 24-December-2011 blip. I really should now start wishing people Merry Christmas.

Sembang kosong kopi-o saja. Jangan marah.

Go Ahead, Farting is Healthy

Question: Does everybody fart?

Ok I know, I should've used passing gas instead of that cute little word farting. Anyway, here is food for today:

Source: Daily Express, Nov. 6, 2011

In case the image doesn't work on your display I'll repeat the text bit for you:

"Without exception! Gas ends up in the large intestine from air that is swallowed and from the action of the bacteria that live there. It is mostly nitrogen and carbon dioxide with some hydrogen and methane mixed in, with tiny amounts of skatole, indole, methanethiol, hydrogen sulfide and dimethyl sulfide to give it a stinky smell. Everyone farts but some people take enough care with the release that they are rarely caught out."

There you go, release the gas to a glorious sound, it's healthy, totally green act on your part and it does not hurt anyone around you. Ok, maybe a little.

Thanks for farting reading.

fart

RM1.00 PUNYA PASAL

Selamat pagi, jom santai-santai di pagi Selasa. Ada siapa-siapa yang boleh tolongkah? Mana perginya RM1.00 tu?

Ni bukan saya yang buat atau karang, entah mana punya wall haritu saya nampak. Sudah cuba pakai calculator, computer dan sempoa/abacus tapi tidak dapat jawaban.

Kalau jumpa sudah, boleh pakai untuk beli newspaper karang. Dibuat angpau raya pun macam tidak cukup.

Jemputlah try, test, cuba!

Totally Focused on Studies

I was about to write something on the much delayed construction of a secondary school in the Nabalu (along Ranau Road) but I have to slip this one in between. I thought many would be shocked to know that in this IT age there are still 'doctor/s' that know little about things.

Here, have a dose of something - hope it keeps us pondering and reflecting on a thing or two:-

Chinese married couple clueless about sex

By News Desk in Kuala Lumpur/The Star | ANN- Wed, Jul 6, 2011

Kuala Lumpur (The Star/ANN) - A highly educated couple, in their 30s from Hubei, China, thought that the wife would get pregnant by sleeping on the same bed, Malaysia's largest selling Chinese language newspaper Sin Chew Daily reported.

Prior to their marriage, the couple did not dare hold hands and kiss as they thought the woman would get pregnant by doing so, reported a China newspaper Chu Tian Jin Bao.

However, the couple decided to seek medical advice after the wife, who holds a masters degree, could not conceive.

They have been married for three years.

The doctor was shocked to learn about their "sex life".

The husband, who has a doctoral degree, said they were too focused on their studies.

..and I thought "only" art stream students were taught biology in high school/secondary school?

apa macam tu boss?

We Don't Need ENGINEERS

We need doctors as we can't take care of ourselves when we fall sick.
.
We need lawyers as we tend to mix things up as we try to persue legal matters. (Hehe, pstttt! lawyers are better than many of us in twisting things up and down to skew things in their favour. Whisper that to them, wud you)
.
BUT we don't need engineers as most of the daily stuffs assosiated with 'products' of engineers can be done by technicians, or even by the guys on the streets.

LOL, but engineers, please don't take this too hard on your head. Let's share some of the things lawyers and doctors wouldn'n even get to see if not because of you:
.

"Okay, lady and gentlemen, we are in for a soft landing".

.

"Tracy, how many stones have we sent out to Guy Sdn Bhd since 9.00am this morning?"
.

.

"I heard you loud and clear, Bob! Can you put down that silly toy?"
.

.

"Gosh! This is really exciting. I'm gonna need more high heels"
.

.

"Mom, can you go faster, we're gonna miss the Wayang Kulit live movie!"
.

.

"And then the boy let the dog bark at the tree as the plane hovered over it, bla..bla..bla.."
.

Happy Engineer's Day!

Ticklish Monday

I wanted to write about Prius - the top selling hybrid (greener) car in Japan - but as I opened my email, one particular mail with maybe-not-so-true contents forwarded by friends caught my attention, and they made me smile and brighten up my morning.

So, I'll share them with you.

"WHY YOU SHOULD THINK BEFORE YOU SPEAK"

REASON 1
I walked into a hair salon with my husband and three kids in tow and asked loudly,

'How much do you charge for a shampoo and a blow job?'

I turned around and walked back out and never went back.

My husband didn't say a word..he knew better.

REASON 2
I was at the golf store comparing different kinds of golf balls.

I was unhappy with the women's type I had been using.

After browsing for several minutes, I was approached by one of the good-looking gentlemen who works at the store.

He asked if he could help me.

Without thinking, I looked at him and said, 'I think I like playing with men's balls'

REASON 3
My sister and I were at the mall and passed by a store that sold a variety of candy and nuts.

As we were looking at the display case,

the boy behind the counter asked if we needed any help.

I replied, 'No, I'm just looking at your nuts.'

My sister started to laugh hysterically.

The boy grinned, and I turned beet-red and walked away.

To this day, my sister has never let me forget.

REASON 4
While in line at the bank one afternoon, my toddler decided to release some pent-up energy and ran amok.

I was finally able to grab hold of her after receiving looks of disgust and annoyance from other patrons.

I told her that if she did not start behaving 'right now'

she would be punished.

To my horror, she looked me in the eye and said in a voice just as threatening,

'If you don't let me go right now,

I will tell Grandma that I saw you kissing Daddy's pee-pee last night!'

The silence was deafening after this enlightening exchange.

Even the tellers stopped what they were doing.

I mustered up the last of my dignity and walked out of the bank

with my daughter in tow.

The last thing I heard when the door closed behind me,

were screams of laughter.

REASON 5
Have you ever asked your child a question too many times? My three-year-old son had a lot of problems with potty training and I was on him constantly.

One day we stopped at Taco Bell for a quick lunch, in between errands.

It was very busy, with a full dining room. While enjoying my taco,

I smelled something funny, so of course I checked my seven-month-old daughter, she was clean.

The realized that Danny had not asked to go potty in a while.

I asked him if he needed to go, and he said 'No'.

I kept thinking 'Oh Lord, that child has had an accident,

and I don't have any clothes with me.'

Then I said, 'Danny, are you SURE you didn't have an accident?

''No", he replied.

I just KNEW that he must have had an accident,

because the smell was getting worse.

So, I asked one more time, 'Danny did you have an accident?

This time he jumped up, yanked down his pants, bent over, spread his cheeks and yelled 'SEE MOM, IT'S JUST FARTS!!'

While 30 people nearly choked to death on their tacos laughing, he calmly pulled up his pants and sat down. An old couple made me feel better, thanking me for the best laugh they'd ever had!


REASON 6 (this one's closer to home, lol)
A radio DJ in Malaysia asked her listeners to call

and answer some trivial questions.

The first to answer correctly would get a prize from the sponsor.
She asked, "What is the household name for sodium chloride".
An eager housewife called in but she did not know the answer,

she asked for a tip.
The DJ hinted

"Something you put on your husband's eggs in the morning".
The housewife confidently answered, " Talcum Powder "
The DJ did not return until after a few songs.

REASON 7
This had most of the state of Michigan laughing for 2 days and a very embarrassed female news anchor who will, in the future, likely think before she speaks. What happens when you predict snow but don't get any! We had a female news anchor that, the day after it was supposed to have snowed and didn't, turned to the weatherman and asked: 'So Bob, where's that 8 inches you promised me last night?' Not only did HE have to leave the set, but half the crew did too they were laughing so hard!

LOL

If that made you feel good, pass it on to someone you know who needs a laugh and remember we all say things we don't really mean!!!

Have a great week.

British English vs. Malaysian English

I need to share this with you as it really made me chuckle the other morning when I started my day.

Who says our English is teruk? Just read below - Ours is simple, short, concise, straight-to-the-point, effective etc. (it was meant to be sarcastic...LOL)

WHEN GIVING A CUSTOMER BAD NEWS
Britons: I'm sorry, sir, but we don't seem to have the sweater you want in your size, but if you give me a moment, I can call the other outlets for you.
Malaysians: No stock.

RETURNING A CALL
Britons: Hello, this is John Smith. Did anyone call for me a few moments ago?
Malaysians: Hello, who call?

ASKING SOMEONE TO MAKE WAY
Britons: Excuse me, I would like to get by. Would you please make way?
Malaysians: S-kew me.

WHEN SOMEONE OFFERS TO PAY
Britons: Hey! Put your wallet away, this drink is on me.
Malaysians: No need lah.

WHEN ASKING FOR PERMISSION
Britons: Excuse me, but do you think it would be possible for me to enter through this door?
Malaysians: (pointing at the door) Can ah?

WHEN ENTERTAINING
Britons: Please make yourself right at home.
Malaysians: No need shy shy one lah!

WHEN DOUBTING SOMEONE
Britons: I don't recall you giving me the money.
Malaysians: Where got?

WHEN DECLINING AN OFFER
Britons: I would prefer not to do that, if you don't mind.
Malaysians: Don't want lah.

IN DISAGREEING ON A TOPIC OF DISCUSSION
Britons: Err...Tom, I have to stop you there. I understand where you're coming from, but I really have to disagree with what you said about the issue.
Malaysians: You mad ah?

WHEN ASKING SOMEONE TO LOWER THEIR VOICE
Britons: Excuse me, but could you please lower your voice? I'm trying to concentrate over here.
Malaysians: Shut up lah!

WHEN ASKING SOMEONE IF HE/SHE KNOWS YOU
Britons: Excuse me, but I noticed you staring at me for sometime. Do I know you?
Malaysians: See what, see what?

WHEN ASSESSING A TIGHT SITUATION
Britons: We seem to be in a bit of a predicament at the moment..
Malaysians: Die lah!!

WHEN TRYING TO FIND OUT WHAT HAD HAPPENED
Britons: Will someone tell me what has just happened?
Malaysians: What happened ah? Why like that one lah?

WHEN SOMEONE DID SOMETHING WRONG
Britons: This isn't the way to do it. Here, let me show you.
Malaysians: Like that also don't know how to do!

WHEN ONE IS ANGRY
Britons: Would you mind not disturbing me?
Malaysians: Celaka you!

Your Malaysian friends would understand this!! Heheh...have a good laugh.
.

HOAX Message a.k.a Tipah Tipu

Because we are faced with and being fed with a lot of fake deals, scams, hoaxes and phishing webs, it would be a good idea to learn some common facts about them.

.
If you receive an e-mail asking you to take some form of action do some simple tests. Look for one or more of the folowings; they are the top telltale characteristics of a hoax:
.

1. Subject line has a sense of urgency, such as - WARNING!!, IMPORTANT!!, URGENT!!, VIRUS ALERT!!
2. Request to share the "important" warning to everyone in your address book or, as many people as you possibly can.
3. It contains some form of seemingly-legitimate-quote from big corporations or government. Eg. "A friend who works for Petronas received this warning...". Watch out for statements like "This is very serious", or "This is not a hoax" - by such virtue, it already is.
4. The e-mail contains prediction of catastropic consequences if you don't act immediately - such as virus attact on your hard disk, death by accident, etc.
5. Very often you will see a lot of >>>>> marks on the left margin. These marks show that people fooled by the hoax have forwarded it many times before it reach your address.
   .

REMEMBER, there is no such thing as E-mail Tracking, no big company is going to give you Free Certificate or a Free Car, and sending thousands of e-mail to your friends and kins Will Not provide any relief or medical care to an ill/injured child!

You have been told! The next time you receive an e-mail urging you to forward message containing the above, please think twice before jumping into perpetuating the hoax.
.
For more info on how to identify a hoax message check this one out. Also find out more here
.
All the best!
.

Learn Chinese in 5 Minutes!

All work and no play makes Jake a dull boy. So, a joke a day shouldn't be too much, yes?

Here goes...

This was sent to me by a Chinese friend, on fast-tracked learning. Go ahead, say it out loud in front of your audience and break the ice:



Guaranteed: by the time you finish reading this, you'd be one step ahead of others in learning Chinese.

Feel free to share this with friends. Best of Luck!